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turns out painting small trucks on small underwear is actually incredibly time consuming

I am the person you call when you need an improvised guided meditation about excavators.

I mowed the lawn yesterday for the first time in my life and Alex described my technique as "swoopy" and I will be taking that as a compliment

Happy Father’s Day to the person who knows how to work our TV.

Happy Father’s Day to the person who occasionally will do a little dance like a crab.

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Happy Father’s Day to the person who is wants to be stronger than my dad was for my mom.

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Happy Father’s Day to the person who will always give you the entire tissue box even if you specifically ask for only one tissue.

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Happy Father’s Day to the person who says yes to pretty much all of my ideas, unless they involve rearranging furniture.

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Happy Father’s Day to the person who owns an illegal amount of Steely Dan shirts and hats.

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Happy Father’s Day to the person who gets weird before you want them to.

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Happy Father’s Day to the person who takes out our trash.

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Happy Father’s Day to the person I’ve spent the most nights sleeping next to.

Can’t sleep? Try shredding cardboard while listening to This American Life in your underwear while using a Pilates reformer as a chair.

In Hanks world of only being exposed to children's animation through branded food package while grocery shopping, minions are owls, mickey is a dog, and spongebob is "that yellow thing with the eyes"

I love "collaborating with our designer" aka asking them to try 10,000 different things while I watch on a screen share and tease them about things like not knowing the exact spec of every element from memory.

Compared to the demanding and complaining I got the last time I was appointed this position it’s a huge improvement!

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Hank, while I act as their popsicle holder: “Excuse me can you please scoot it up so persons can eat it?”

I think I'm going to start 7 other projects instead of doing the small task that I actually need to get done.

When will I learn that a pound of dried leaves is too many dried leaves

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