I decided to wear the baby for the first time and I love it.

How many times per night do I confuse the buckwheat pillow I hug while sleeping with the baby?

Actually it means discussing nipples with anyone who wants to.

Having a baby means discussing nipple shapes at the dinner table with your in-laws is normal now.

I’m not being dramatic 


@muppetbutler I want to be the one in the pink hat waxing poetically about watermelon to my lil friends and slathering them with sunscreen on the reg.

“That’s not an acceptable way to treat a ficus, Sydney.”

Trying to get a little bit of sleep and my brain goes off and has dreams about my extended family being upset that I’m neglecting my house plants, arguing that they are people too.

@tessaracked @alex it’s pronounced the same way you’d say cutie patootie

I did it! Baby is a (probably not) haunted cutie and all is well.

Look how cute we were 12 hours ago before I turned into a hospital goblin



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