why is my child awake at 3:47am, why are we watching train videos, why

kids' tv shitpost 

memory; food, medical, alcohol 

memory; food, medical, alcohol 

my toddler, waking up at 4am: "choo-choo. oh no. train!"

baby dreams must be weird

oh no bean picked a nettle and tried to sniff it before I could get it away from him :( :(

oh my god bean has discovered the concept of Irony and it's adorable

*holds up pants* "coat!"
*hands me a toy plane* "choo-choo!"

then he giggles like it's the funniest thing in the universe


also he learned how to say "ha fi" (high five) today. i have the coolest baby.

bean is trying SO HARD to learn to jump

he's like, how do i get BOTH FEET off the ground at the SAME TIME. this is witchcraft.

trying to dress this child is like trying to nail jelly to a tree

except the tree is also sentient, and wriggly, and keeps walking away

Please Just Drink Your Milk Instead Of Using It As An Art Medium: a novel about life with toddlers

not particularly warm take 

the baby is asleep on my left arm and it's kind of going numb but it's 6:45am and if I disturb him now he'll be like TIME TO START THE DAY!!! :D

why did nobody warn me about this aspect of co-sleeping

technically ukpol 

technically ukpol 

maybe slightly lewd? 

kid is suddenly obsessed with peppa pig and makes adorable little pig snort noises every time they hear it mentioned

me, immediately: can i start whispering 'peppa' in their ear every time we see a cop tho

bean is asleep completely horizontally on my bed with their feet in my face

I have been awake since 6am because this isn't exactly a comfortable arrangement for me but I'm not about to wake them up early rearranging them

important update: today when i picked up the alien, bean immediately smooshed their little face into it and shouted "buh-buh-buh!"

Show more

cooler.mom is a Mastodon instance for moms!