kid: i'm two and mama is... five?
me: mama is 41
kid: i'm 61. i'm a millions of years old dinosaur.

"Don't put sandwiches in Mama's ear. That's not where sandwiches go."

covid-19 adjacent 

documentary footage of my two year old this week

co-parent: (kid), what's your favourite number?
kid: four!
me: what's the *biggest* number?
kid, at the top of their voice: FOOOOOUUUUR!

kid earlier today picked up a ball of play-doh, yelled 'play-THROW' and yeeted it across the room

I think I may have witnessed their first ever pun I'm so proud

kid walked up to a four year old in the library and with the air of a very polite and formal greeting said 'children!'

kid pronounces butterfly as 'flutterwhy' and it's fucking adorable

lb explains a lot about how shite I feel all the time tbh

TIL "Since chronic restriction of sleep to 6 h or less per night produced cognitive performance deficits equivalent to up to 2 nights of total sleep deprivation, it appears that even relatively moderate sleep restriction can seriously impair waking neurobehavioral functions in healthy adults."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12683469

me: takes my eyes off my kid for thirty seconds while they're drawing

kid: waddles over to me having put *literally every crayon they own* down their pants

kid, watching a cgi dinosaur hatching from its egg: awwwww! nice!

kid watching a dung beetle on tv: aww, cutie!

kid seeing a spider in the bath: cutie! ...oh no, itty bitty spider ran away.

I'm so happy I have managed to pass on my love for all things scaly and slithery and scuttly to this child :')

me: reads Goodnight Moon for the 25th time tonight

my toddler:

co-sleeping adventures 

woke up this morning to discover my kid sleeping horizontally on the bed with both feet on my face

my kid has decided that the correct term for a fox is in fact 'scary cat'

parent stuff, capitalism, sexism 

every time I read one of those articles about 'did u know: behind the happy Facebook posts, all mothers are miserable, exhausted and unfulfilled???' I am just so. like.

first off, fuck off, I am not miserable. what I am is *very tired*. that's not the same thing. I'm tired and I'm happy and I wish it was easier and I love my kid and he makes me happy and every day I'm doing something that matters to me, and I have no regrets about doing it, not even a tiny one

Cute. Cute. None of you are free of adorable

kid: falls asleep
kid, waking up ten seconds later: SHOES!! OH NO SHOES! WHERE SHOES. SHOES! OH NO OH NO SHOES WHERE SHOES OH NO SHOES

they would only go back to sleep once we showed them their shoes were fine and put one (1) shoe on their foot, which seemed to calm them down a lot

baby nightmares must be so weird

anyway yes these crayons also go for rides down the slide and in the toy baby buggy and the toy truck

bean *loves* their crayons

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